An Exploration of Marrying Young

In a recent article by David Lapp, he takes an interesting look at the issue of young marriages.

Mr. Lapp states that social scientists frequently note that "early marriage" is the No. 1 predictor of divorce. However, he cites that the median age at marriage today is 28 for men and 26 for women.

Mr. Lapp asks "so what's a young couple, in love and committed, to do? He wonders if his own decision to marry in his early 20s was shortsighted and irresponsible?

First, he takes a closer look at that term "early marriage." He says "while it's true that teenage marriages are a significant predictor of divorce, it turns out that marriages of people in their early to mid-20s are not nearly as much at risk."

According to a 2002 report from the Centers for Disease Control, Lapp says that 48% of people who enter marriage when under age 18, and 40% of 18- and 19-year-olds, will eventually divorce. But only 29% of those who get married at age 20 to 24 will eventually divorce—very similar to the 24% of the 25-and-older group.

Additionally, Lapp cites a recent study by the University of Texas finds that people who wed between the ages of 22 and 25, and remained married to those spouses, went on to experience the happiest marriages. While the authors caution against suggesting that 22 to 25 is the optimal marrying age for everyone, their finding does suggest that "little or nothing is likely to be gained by deliberately delaying marriage beyond the mid twenties."

Lapp explores: What about the money? He says that social scientists use the term "marriage premium" to describe how, over time, married couples save and build more wealth than otherwise-similar singles or cohabiting couples. According to Lapp "Part of the reason is simply that married couples have two incomes to pool and draw from. But as a group of leading family scholars notes in 'Why Marriage Matters,' a report published by the Institute for American Values, marriage itself appears to encourage thrifty behavior." I appears that married couples value the family members and want to protect the future of the family. Therefore, they tend to save more.

Of course, it's not just adults who are skeptical about early-to-mid-20s marriages. As psychologist Jeffrey Jensen Arnett notes in his influential book "Emerging Adulthood," many young people today delay marriage because they are afraid it will deny them the leisure of "identity exploration" and "self-focused development." I describe this more as "sewing the wild oats" in life before settling down.

A lot of young people sense entering into a marriage relationship closes the chapter in life on adventure and opens the chapter on routine and monotony.

Lapp asks, why does marriage earlier have to end the adventure in life. He asks "Instead of trekking to Africa or exploring Rome alone, why not marry the person of your dreams and take him or her along?"

He asks "What about discovering, as the characters Carl and Ellie in Disney Pixar's 'Up' do, the good of marital friendship? While they never fulfill their dream of traveling together to South America (their jug of nickels and dimes labeled 'Paradise Falls' is shattered with every flat tire and emergency-room visit), they do experience the joy of life together: renovating their home as newlyweds, picnicking and cloud-gazing on lazy summer afternoons, dancing in their candlelit living room after 50 years of marriage."

As much as young adults focus on self-exploration, what if the path to that exploration is actually learning to live with and love another person? What if we are startled to find that the greatest adventure lies not in knowing oneself as much as in knowing and committing to another person? What if we learned to put the needs of other in front of our own wants and desires? I suppose that would make us more Christlike in our approach to relationships.